Tuesday, January 19, 2010

The couple I hate...

Yes, "hate" is a strong word - but it's the exact emotion that surfaces when I see those couples - you know the ones - who go out to dinner and never utter a word to each other. The ones you see out don't even hold hands, never have anything interesting or even nice to say to each other or about one another...the boring, brooding, dull couple that you wonder "why the hell are they still together?".

I understand that relationships aren't all roses and rainbows. Well maybe most aren't, but ours has been. My fella and I have had 2 arguments since we've been dating. To me, that says a lot. But lately, we are becoming that boring couple.  We still hold hands, we still talk over dinner, we still have wonderful things to say to each other, but we've been dancing around some unspoken issues. Mainly, my guy's been depressed about his job situation. He talks about it, but only to a point.  I know it's a struggle for him and I am trying to be supportive. It's hard on us when he retreats into himself and it's becoming increasingly harder for me to keep playing cheerleader. But I carry on because that's what I'm supposed to do.

I don't want to lose hope/faith that things will get better. I know deep down that they will. But right now, I'm weary and miss the fella that I fell for 2 years ago. The smart alecky, fun-loving man with a kind heart and big spirit.  For the most part that personality is still there, we just have to work on keeping it on the surface and not letting the woes of the day drag him down deeper.

The good thing about us is that we communicate with each other.  Not just talk at each other, we listen. We are able to tell each other whats on our minds.  These past few months it's been very hard and it really came to a head this past Sunday. But we talk - he tells me what he wants and I tell him as well in plain English. We don't do subtleties because one of us will miss the undertone of the desire.

So now we have to develop an action plan that I'm sure will consist of more talks and more walks.


Savvy Gal said...

Sorry about you and your guy now, but with communication and support for each other, I am sure things will pick up.

TexNYQueen said...

Thanks SG - we are working on baby steps...we've developed a plan to help him move through his depression and we've agreed that I take over as social calendar gal (a role I enjoy) to get us moving out of boring stage. He's a wonderful man and I couldn't ask for anything better. He's worth the effort!

Struggler said...

Talking is good, as long as you're still doing that, chances are it will work out. Being depressed about job/work things is a hard one; it's so much part of who we are these days, and after all, most of us spend more of our waking hours on that than anything else. Enjoy your social calendar responsibilities!!

karen@fitnessjourney said...

When I read the first few lines it made me think about a couple that I know. You could have been describing them. You have to pity someone stuck in a relationship like that.

My husband and I have been married for 21 year, but dated for 5 1/2 before that. I knew that he was the one because no matter what we did, even staying in and playing cards, we could make each other laugh. We still have a good time together.

You are so right about communication. Keep those lines open-it sounds like you are already doing a good job with that. I hope your relationship continues to grow and flourish. One last bit of advice-mix things up a little. Do something different once in a while (I'll leave it up to you to decide what area you want to mix up! LOL!)

TexNYQueen said...

Thank you, Ladies, for your comments. It is a work in progress for us but it's not a difficult one.

@Struggler - thank you, again, for the idea on doing 3 things a day to promote happiness. We have decided to try this route.

@Karen - The thing my guy says he really enjoys about us is that we do do different things. Films/concerts in the park, festivals, etc. He's never been an art guy, but will come to openings with me. He loves to try different cuisines - but with our financial issues, it's been difficult to try different restaurants. So thanks for reminding me - this will give me an opportunity to expand my cooking. Plus, he owes me a few games of scrabble.