Yes, "hate" is a strong word - but it's the exact emotion that surfaces when I see those couples - you know the ones - who go out to dinner and never utter a word to each other. The ones you see out don't even hold hands, never have anything interesting or even nice to say to each other or about one another...the boring, brooding, dull couple that you wonder "why the hell are they still together?".
I understand that relationships aren't all roses and rainbows. Well maybe most aren't, but ours has been. My fella and I have had 2 arguments since we've been dating. To me, that says a lot. But lately, we are becoming that boring couple. We still hold hands, we still talk over dinner, we still have wonderful things to say to each other, but we've been dancing around some unspoken issues. Mainly, my guy's been depressed about his job situation. He talks about it, but only to a point. I know it's a struggle for him and I am trying to be supportive. It's hard on us when he retreats into himself and it's becoming increasingly harder for me to keep playing cheerleader. But I carry on because that's what I'm supposed to do.
I don't want to lose hope/faith that things will get better. I know deep down that they will. But right now, I'm weary and miss the fella that I fell for 2 years ago. The smart alecky, fun-loving man with a kind heart and big spirit. For the most part that personality is still there, we just have to work on keeping it on the surface and not letting the woes of the day drag him down deeper.
The good thing about us is that we communicate with each other. Not just talk at each other, we listen. We are able to tell each other whats on our minds. These past few months it's been very hard and it really came to a head this past Sunday. But we talk - he tells me what he wants and I tell him as well in plain English. We don't do subtleties because one of us will miss the undertone of the desire.
So now we have to develop an action plan that I'm sure will consist of more talks and more walks.