Operating on partial or no trust is difficult in any situation. Working to rebuild that broken trust is even more difficult. And in the end, the decision you make is your own...so own it.
My decision keeps changing from day to day and it probably will for days, weeks, hopefully not months, to come. The easy solution is to just toss it away, and if it was that easy to toss then really what did I have to start with? I guess that's why there isn't an easy solution and why my decision keeps changing.
This strife lead to me watch the one station I thought was blocked on cable Monday night. OWN. Yes...I drank the kool-aide and watched Oprah's Lifeclass, Class #1 on false ego. When it kicked off, I thought...WTH?!?!?! Here she goes again talking about those damn jeans and weight loss. But as the show wound up, it finally made sense about false egos. I don't consider myself to be self-asorbed. I do feel that I take other people's feelings into consideration. But, I know my personality flaw and it will take work to correct.
Does this false ego have anything to do with my current personal strife? Maybe, maybe not. Some people would equate a false ego with insecurity, I beg to differ when that insecurity is brought on by outside influences, not internally. So what do you do? How can you be reassured and relieved of these insecurities? Each situation is different and there isn't any clear-cut path, So, this is the current work in progress.
Do I feel as if I've failed? No! I know that I have done/am doing the best I can/know how. I know that I offer up great advice and that I am a loving and caring person. I know that I haven't put my ego before this current circumstance. I also know that I deserve the best out of this circumstance.
I do need to watch the next round of classes, How to Let Go of Anger and Finding Joy. Do I think I will have epiphanies on the road to self-discoveries thanks to all-knowing O? Probably not. However, as with any advice, there are tools I can take from the "class" to put into practice daily. And we all know that practice makes perfect (or close to it).