I'm in love with a stripper...

That's what I hoped The Fella would be saying following my super sexy moves at pole dancing class last night. Sadly, those words may never cross his lips because I will not be a stripper anytime soon.

I think my expectations were high because of the shinny poles, the fact that I can walk in 5"heels and I look great in a tight tank top.

I am now suffering the pains of twirling, twisting, climbing and attempting to flutter kick my way upside down the pole.

In my quest to add variety to my exercise regime and the constant e-mails from Groupon, Deal Time and Living Social, I thought 4 lessons at a local pole dance studio would be just the spice. Thanks to The Fella for adding to my fun by gifting me an additional 4 classes.

If you haven't had the pleasure of your first pole dance class and you're not a 20-yr old dancer...let me tell you - this is hard. Last night, I learned that I'm a stiff, middle-aged Black woman in running shorts with no rhythm (this part I already knew). But I won't be defeated.

Luckily, the studio also a variety of teachers and other classes like striptease and burlesque. So even though a majority of my disappointment was my lack of sensual fluidity, I also fault the instructor for giving poor direction (not everyone was meant to teach). I will try a different night with a different instructor and even try the burlesque class.  Maybe soon, I can be just like Christina Aguilera and get my shimmy, shimmy, shake on.

I will keep you posted.

LifeClass

Operating on  partial or no trust is difficult in any situation. Working to rebuild that broken trust is even more difficult.  And in the end, the decision you make is your own...so own it.

My decision keeps changing from day to day and it probably will for days, weeks, hopefully not months, to come. The easy solution is to just toss it away, and if it was that easy to toss then really what did I have to start with? I guess that's why there isn't an easy solution and why my decision keeps changing.

This strife lead to me watch the one station I thought was blocked on cable Monday night.  OWN. Yes...I drank the kool-aide and watched Oprah's Lifeclass, Class #1 on false ego. When it kicked off, I thought...WTH?!?!?!  Here she goes again talking about those damn jeans and weight loss. But as the show wound up, it finally made sense about false egos. I don't consider myself to be self-asorbed. I do feel that I take other people's feelings into consideration. But, I know my personality flaw and it will take work to correct.

Does this false ego have anything to do with my current personal strife?  Maybe, maybe not. Some people would equate a false ego with insecurity, I beg to differ when that insecurity is brought on by outside influences, not internally. So what do you do? How can you be reassured and relieved of these insecurities?  Each situation is different and there isn't any clear-cut path, So, this is the current work in progress.

Do I feel as if I've failed?  No!  I know that I have done/am doing the best I can/know how. I know that I offer up great advice and that I am a loving and caring person. I know that I haven't put my ego before this current circumstance. I also know that I deserve the best out of this circumstance. 

I do need to watch the next round of classes, How to Let Go of Anger and Finding Joy. Do I think I will have epiphanies on the road to self-discoveries thanks to all-knowing O?  Probably not. However, as with any advice, there are tools I can take from the "class" to put into practice daily.  And we all know that practice makes perfect (or close to it).

Hanging out on the curb

Wow...it's been over a month since my last post. There's been a little of this and a little of that going on...but mostly depression and aggravation because I'm not happy. But as I said to The Fella, it's time to put up or shut up. Time to put plans in action. So I have a few things brewing. First up: a Girl's brunch next week (menu planning is in full swing), pole dancing classes in November, salsa classes and Sunday yoga will become a staple in my schedule. 

This past month has been about growing, personally and physically. The one good thing that came out of last month was my surgery. I finally had a myomectomy, surgical removal of a fibroid. I've been dealing with the fibroid over 3-4 years and took the general advice of "if it isn't bugging you, don't bug it".   Well, as I've lamented over and over again, I kept gaining and losing the same 3-4 lbs of the 10lb weight gain since moving to Sacto. My pain level wasn't birth-giving cramps or overtly heavy cycles, but it was enough to be an off-on annoyance. I felt that my mood was adversely effected and began taking natural supplements of serotonin and dopamine. But who wants to take tons of pills to regulate your mood?  Not me.

So I took the plunge and had my grapefruit-size fibroid removed. I am now 3 weeks post surgery and I feel tons better. I'm even down to my pre-move weight! I'm still weepy from time to time, but I think that has more to do with personal issues and not hormones being off. I am not working out like the monster I was pre-surgery and my runs are around the level of C25K week 3 (3mins run, 3 min walking recovery), but I will plan to hit back hard in another 2 weeks.

If I may offer my opinion to anyone who wants it...if you're dealing with a fibroid (or more than 1) and you've received that same sage advice, take it with a grain of salt. Get a second opinion. Speak with a Naturopath, but most importantly listen to the signs your body is giving you.