LifeClass

Operating on  partial or no trust is difficult in any situation. Working to rebuild that broken trust is even more difficult.  And in the end, the decision you make is your own...so own it.

My decision keeps changing from day to day and it probably will for days, weeks, hopefully not months, to come. The easy solution is to just toss it away, and if it was that easy to toss then really what did I have to start with? I guess that's why there isn't an easy solution and why my decision keeps changing.

This strife lead to me watch the one station I thought was blocked on cable Monday night.  OWN. Yes...I drank the kool-aide and watched Oprah's Lifeclass, Class #1 on false ego. When it kicked off, I thought...WTH?!?!?!  Here she goes again talking about those damn jeans and weight loss. But as the show wound up, it finally made sense about false egos. I don't consider myself to be self-asorbed. I do feel that I take other people's feelings into consideration. But, I know my personality flaw and it will take work to correct.

Does this false ego have anything to do with my current personal strife?  Maybe, maybe not. Some people would equate a false ego with insecurity, I beg to differ when that insecurity is brought on by outside influences, not internally. So what do you do? How can you be reassured and relieved of these insecurities?  Each situation is different and there isn't any clear-cut path, So, this is the current work in progress.

Do I feel as if I've failed?  No!  I know that I have done/am doing the best I can/know how. I know that I offer up great advice and that I am a loving and caring person. I know that I haven't put my ego before this current circumstance. I also know that I deserve the best out of this circumstance. 

I do need to watch the next round of classes, How to Let Go of Anger and Finding Joy. Do I think I will have epiphanies on the road to self-discoveries thanks to all-knowing O?  Probably not. However, as with any advice, there are tools I can take from the "class" to put into practice daily.  And we all know that practice makes perfect (or close to it).

Hanging out on the curb

Wow...it's been over a month since my last post. There's been a little of this and a little of that going on...but mostly depression and aggravation because I'm not happy. But as I said to The Fella, it's time to put up or shut up. Time to put plans in action. So I have a few things brewing. First up: a Girl's brunch next week (menu planning is in full swing), pole dancing classes in November, salsa classes and Sunday yoga will become a staple in my schedule. 

This past month has been about growing, personally and physically. The one good thing that came out of last month was my surgery. I finally had a myomectomy, surgical removal of a fibroid. I've been dealing with the fibroid over 3-4 years and took the general advice of "if it isn't bugging you, don't bug it".   Well, as I've lamented over and over again, I kept gaining and losing the same 3-4 lbs of the 10lb weight gain since moving to Sacto. My pain level wasn't birth-giving cramps or overtly heavy cycles, but it was enough to be an off-on annoyance. I felt that my mood was adversely effected and began taking natural supplements of serotonin and dopamine. But who wants to take tons of pills to regulate your mood?  Not me.

So I took the plunge and had my grapefruit-size fibroid removed. I am now 3 weeks post surgery and I feel tons better. I'm even down to my pre-move weight! I'm still weepy from time to time, but I think that has more to do with personal issues and not hormones being off. I am not working out like the monster I was pre-surgery and my runs are around the level of C25K week 3 (3mins run, 3 min walking recovery), but I will plan to hit back hard in another 2 weeks.

If I may offer my opinion to anyone who wants it...if you're dealing with a fibroid (or more than 1) and you've received that same sage advice, take it with a grain of salt. Get a second opinion. Speak with a Naturopath, but most importantly listen to the signs your body is giving you.

21-Day Challenge

Last week, with the help of a FB friend, I started a 21-day Eat Clean Challenge. I thought...woo hoo, a way to finally get my butt back on track. I know how/what to eat, I just wasn't doing it as evident by my lackluster food tracking for the nutritionist sessions.

So I did it last week. I ate fairly clean for 6 days with, we wont count the cheat meals,...Ok 2 cheat meals. I'm allowed 1. But hey, the boyfriend went to the movies last night and I did not want to cook. And I'm not beating myself up for it either.

I did manage to see some numbers on the scale that I haven't seen in the 5 months since moving to Sacramento - like the 165s! I managed to F* that back up by 2 lbs on this mornings weigh-in (damn, extra cheat meal). But I am torching calories (1100 on Saturday alone) during my workouts so I will hopefully burn that and some this week.

On top of wearing mismatched shoes, I also picked up some great information and new kettlebell moves at the Health/Fitness Fair in Auburn yesterday.

So, I have 2 things I need to do over the next 2 weeks: I am planning to add an additional kickboxing class to my schedule. I also need to start packing/planning my food on the weekends. I keep thinking that I don't and that's when I get into trouble. So my cooler will have to be a permanent fixture by my side.

How/what did you do this weekend? Any fun plans?